Every summer I visit my parents at their cabin in Idaho. It sits at the base of the mountains above beautiful Bear Lake. Over the years, it’s become my tradition to ‘hike the mountain’ every morning. It’s a five-mile roundtrip journey up a steep and curvy road.
Monday was my last trip ‘up the hill’ before returning to Arizona. I’d made it to the top and was preparing to run down when the coaching call I was listening to ended. I stopped briefly to select a new call in a different coaching program. I hadn’t participated in this group for some time so, believing it would be a good one, I selected a call by a ‘multi-million dollar coach’. I hit play and started running down the hill.
A mother of two young children, ages 2 and 6, told the coach she was feeling burned out with motherhood. She longed to shower without asking for permission. To get her list of things done. And to not be interrupted by her kids.
You’d think the coach, the one making millions of dollars with tens of thousands of followers, would want to help this mother of two get what she wants. I mean, isn’t that the point of a life coach? To help clients create and live their dream life? And yet, this wildly popular coach did anything but that.
Here’s how it went.
Mother: “So, I should stop thinking, ‘This didn’t go the way I wanted?'”
Coach: “Yes.”
Mother: “So, something along the lines of, ‘This is how today was going to go anyway so just roll with it?'”
Coach: “I plan for [my kids] to interrupt. I’m totally expecting they’re going to be them. That they’re going to do whatever they normally do. It’s not even a surprise. I know they’re going to come in and ask to get something on Amazon and they’re going to want chocolate milk and they’re going to be fighting and I’m going to have to break it up. I already know. I plan for that. You see what I’m saying?”
Mother: “Yes, absolutely.”
Coach: “You can do that, right?”
Mother: “Ya, ya, totally.”
Coach: “I mean, it’s going to be fun actually.”
‘Fun? Did she seriously just say that?’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
I stopped in my tracks. Standing at the side of the road. Hands on my hips. Lips pursed. Frozen in a state of bewilderment and frustration.
This highly influential life coach had offered the mother EXACTLY what she already had but did NOT want – a permission required, showerless life with kids that interrupt, and a to-do list that never gets done. BUT since the coach had offered it with a new thought layered on top, clearly it was supposed to make it all better. Because let’s be real … we all know if you ‘plan’ for your kids to interrupt and behave like their typical selves then everything immediately fixes itself and all is well.
Thought no mother on this planet … EVER. 😉
As my focus drifted back to the words playing in my ears, I heard the coach say, “Don’t let your brain feel sorry for you.”
‘Seriously? Was this happening? Did I hear THE most popular life coach in my religious community tell a mother to settle? To settle for less than she wants? And far less than she deserves? To sit back and accept her life as it is? To forgo the life she desires? The life she hired the coach to help her create?’
Yep! That’s EXACTLY what she did. She suggested this mother give up. Give up on taking a permission-free shower. Give up on having children that don’t interrupt. Give up on getting things done. In about 14 minutes of coaching, the coach did nothing but permanently seal this woman’s belief that she’s powerless to change her life. Powerless to change herself and definitely powerless to change her children.
My friend, this is NOT what coaching is for. Coaching is not about layering a thought on top of something you don’t want and calling it something you do. It’s not about relabeling, convincing, or even settling. Coaching is none of these things when done well and done right. Coaching is getting you EXACTLY what you DO want. Because you ARE that powerful. You ARE that influential. And coaching does work.
That mother CAN have everything she wants. She can take permission-free showers, teach her kids not to interrupt, AND get her list of things done. She simply needs a better coach to show her how.
My friend, you too can get what you want. And coaching is the instrument that’ll take you there. But you’ll need a coach that’s on your side. A coach who’ll stop at nothing to get you the life you’re longing for. So, when you’re hiring a coach, it pays to be picky. There are many coaches that are popular or make a lot of money or have a ton of followers. None of this guarantees they’re a good coach – a coach that gets you what you want. Be certain YOUR coach will get you to your dream destination – NOT a regurgitated version of the life you’re longing to escape.
If you want to change your life, change it. And if you don’t know how – hire a coach. Not tomorrow, but today. You deserve to live your dream life with your dream family. No settling required. It’s possible, my friend. I know because I’ve created it for myself and I can help you create it too. Reply to this email if you want to learn more.
I am an amazing life coach. A coach that never asks her clients to settle. They will get what they want. Always.
