No matter what – do NOT give up on your teenager.
It seems like just yesterday my teen spent all her days in a dark hoodie glued to the phone in her bedroom alone. Conversations were short, and communication was abrupt. I was constantly questioning what I could do to reach her in even the tiniest way. Nothing worked. Everything I tried fell flat. She pushed me further and further away. Some days I questioned if I was making it worse and should just give up.
Things escalated before they got better. Her peers willingly offered advice that seemed wise and helpful to a distraught teenager, and she took it all in … pain pills, cutting, talk of suicide. Life was bleak for her. As if it was engulfing her and about to swallow her whole. Until, slowly, things started to change.
Those days are now gone as quickly as they once arrived.
Today she and I couldn’t be closer. She hugs me repeatedly each day and expresses her affection and love with the kindest of words. Saturday mornings, she greets me in bed when I open my eyes, and she asks for more alone time as I tuck her in bed each night. She genuinely wants to be with me, and I love being with her. Even when we disagree, we don’t allow for disagreements. We’ve created a lasting connection between us.
I often reflect on how I showed up as her mother during those seemingly dark days. In the midst of the chaos and struggles, I chose love. I chose hope. I chose compassion and curiosity and courage. Not anger, frustration, defeat, or even fear.
How did I do this? How did I show up as this type of mother in the face of great uncertainty and desperate circumstances?
I developed the skill of selecting powerful, calming emotions no matter what was happening around me. This skill is what showed my daughter she could share everything with me. She knew I wouldn’t freak out, lose my cool, or lecture her. We started having open conversations because she knew I could handle the truth. . . and I did. From there, creating connection was easy.
Nothing stays the same for long. No matter your particular circumstances, there will always be the promise of a new day. There will always be an opportunity to learn the skills to connect with your teen. The only question is whether you’re ready to seize that opportunity.
There are seven vital skills you need to create a connection with your teen. Mastering them is what made parenting my teens easy, effortless, and so much more fun! I can show you how to do it too.
My friend, please, do NOT give up on your teenager…no matter what’s going on or what’s happening with them. Things change quickly and I promise they need YOU.
