You have a teenager that lives in your home.
They’re your child and you’re raising them.
Because of this, you think you need to teach them.
Actually, you believe it’s your JOB to teach them.
To ensure they learn all the things they need to know.
How to do what’s right.
How to be responsible.
How to get their homework done.
How to clean their room.
How to speak kindly.
How to be successful.
How to drive a car.
And on and on.
As their mother you think the thought, “It’s my job to teach them.”
You likely believe this thought is TRUE.
And maybe it is.
But truth is NOT the only OR most important factor you must consider when it comes to your thoughts.
What could be more important than a thought being true?
A thought being useful.
Yes, my friend, usefulness matters more than truth.
Thoughts that are useful serve a purpose – meaning they get you the results you’re longing for in your life.
Let’s test your thought’s usefulness, “It’s my job to teach them.”
When you think this thought, how do you feel?
Duty, heavy, pressured, burdened, stressed, anxious, overwhelmed.
Likely one if not all of the above emotions.
And when you feel that way, what do you do?
Doubt your knowledge. Doubt your parenting skills. Question what to do. Spinout on what-ifs and worst-case scenarios (Living in a van down by the river ????). Compare yourself to others. Notice all the things you believe you’re doing ‘wrong’. Create a detailed mental list of skills you lack. Demean and belittle yourself and others. Point out stuff your teen is doing ‘wrong’. Drift further into judging and blaming. Be short. Nag. Talk unkindly. Take everything personally. Separate and seclude yourself from your family.
And when you behave that way, what do you create?
You do NOT use your influence to teach your teenager the things you want them to know.
Isn’t that crazy? Not what you’d suppose.
When you believe it’s ‘your job’ to teach them, you do any AND everything, BUT teach them. In fact, you do the EXACT opposite of teaching. You tear yourself down and you likely tear them down. The only teaching that happens is teaching you’ll regret and want to fix tomorrow.
My friend, do you see how your thought is NOT useful, even if it’s true? It does NOT lead you to a result you desire in your life. It’s leading you nowhere you want to be.
So, no matter how TRUE a thought might be. No matter how much evidence you can find for it. No matter who agrees with you. No matter how many people agree with you. No matter what factual data there is to support it.
No matter how TRUE a thought is, if it does NOT create a result you want, you don’t think that thought.
As a mother of a teen, useful thoughts will serve you far more than true thoughts.
On the flip side, imagine you choose to think, “I will teach my teen.”
When you think this thought, how do you feel?
Empowered, confident, courageous, determined.
And when you feel that way, what do you do?
TEACH your teen. Believe in your parenting skills. Believe in your knowledge. Figure out what to do. Show up. Share. Guide. Love. Instruct. Learn. Be flexible. Notice all the things you believe you’re doing ‘right’. Create a detailed mental list of skills you want to get. See stuff your teen is doing ‘right’. Listen. Empathize. Talk kindly. Encourage. Take nothing personally. Bounce back when things don’t go as you believed they would. Stay present with family. Discover solutions.
And when you behave that way, what do you create?
You use your influence to TEACH your teenager the things you want them to know.
Ahhhh, that’s more like it. Can I get an amen? ????
My friend, when you think thoughts simply because they’re true, you can get yourself off track and create a life you want to argue with. When you think thoughts that are useful, you get yourself on track and create THE life you’re longing for.
The choice is up to you. Useful or true? What will it be?
As for me and my house, we will choose useful over true.
