Are you tired of your teenager that doesn’t listen the first time?
You ask them to do something and they don’t do it.
You ask them again and again. And nothing.
So, you resort to asking while following them around.
It still doesn’t get done and you’ve asked five times.
You reach your boiling point, you raise your voice, you yell.
They finally do it … angrily, grumbling the entire time.
This is how it goes.
Day after day, week after week.
You’re tired of it.
You feel hopeless and helpless.
You don’t know what to do anymore.
From your view, they’re to blame.
They’re lazy, entitled, and disrespectful.
They don’t take responsibility for their actions.
They point the finger at everybody else.
If they listened the first time, everything would be different.
From their view, you’re to blame.
You’re the one that’s giving them all these things to do.
You’re the one that’s taking the fun out of life.
They throw everything back in your face.
This is your lived reality. And due to the repetition of it, you’re beginning to believe them when they tell you, “You’re the worst parent in the world.” You’re ready to give up. To give in.
My friend, please don’t. You’re simply confused.
The problem is NOT your teenager.
Sure, they’re not doing what you ask the first time. But why? Why aren’t they doing it?
Because you’ve taught them not to. Yes, it’s true.
You teach your teenager how to behave by how YOU behave.
Let me show you.
You’ve taught your teen that when they don’t do it the first time, you’re going to ask, again and again. You’re going to follow them around, you’re going to repeat yourself five times, and eventually, you’re going to raise your voice. And THEN, at that point, you’re finally going to mean ‘business’ and they do the job.
Why? Because this is how you’ve trained them.
You’ve taught them the dance and they’re simply following your lead.
They know the dance. They’ve listened and watched. They know the steps by heart. They’ve danced the dance until they’re an expert. They’re not confused. They know exactly how it works because it goes the same way every single time. ‘Mom asks, she follows us around, she asks four more times, she raises her voice and yells, I do it.’
And still, you’re mad at your teen for following the steps you’ve taught them. Shouldn’t you be mad at the person that’s been leading the dance from the beginning …YOU? 😉 Remember, you taught them only to act AFTER you’ve followed them around, asked five times, and raised your voice.
Your teenager has simply done what you’ve taught them to do.
And yet, you continue to repeat the same dance over and over and somehow expect a different result. 😳
I feel for you, my friend. I really do. I too was once stuck on the dance floor doing a dance with my teenager that I did NOT like. I was entranced and confused by it all.
Until … I realized if I was leading the dance, I could … CHANGE THE DANCE.
🎉Cue a major life-changing parenting moment in my life and yours.🎉
Yes, my friend, you CAN change the dance.
You simply choose to teach your teen new steps in a new dance that creates the reality you want.
It’s that easy. YOU decide to change the dance. Stop expecting them to take the lead. They don’t know how to change the dance, they’re teenagers! They’re simply on the dance floor doing what everyone around them is doing. They don’t know any different. You’re leading the dance so be willing to change it up.
Choose the dance steps intentionally. If you want them to listen the first time, tell them that. Mean it. Explain to them that you’ve both been doing a dance and the dance is about to change. New things are coming their way. They will no longer be asked multiple times to do things. They’ll only be asked once.
Be ‘FIRM and FRIENDLY’. This is my favorite phrase for parenting success. I can’t stress this enough. It’s a hallmark of my CONNECTeen coaching program. Be firm AND friendly. Have a family meeting, create and discuss rules and consequences, get your teen to buy-in on the plan, and then follow-through. Moms that create a nurturing AND structured home-life always win. Your teen wants to know you’re a leader that means firm and friendly business. Mastering this skill will lead to more effective dances with your teen and way more connection.
If you want your teen to listen to you the first time, teach them that. Lead the dance you want your teen to follow. They will follow. Be willing to show them the new steps over and over until it becomes natural. Don’t create drama about it. Just do it. Expect it to take time. Learning new dances always does. Change will happen. Let it.
My friend, I promise, when you change the dance, you change reality.
Your teen will listen to you. The first time.
