My son got a 100% on his AP Stats test last week.
He called me immediately after class and shared the good news with me.
He was EXCITED and I was elated with JOY for him.
But you know what? It wasn’t always like this.
Flashback to his freshman year. He was struggling and I was a MESS of a mother.
His story went something like this. “School is stressful. It’s stupid. I want to learn what I want to learn, not what they tell me I have to learn. I’m NOT smart like the other kids. It just comes naturally to them. They get it so much easier than I do. They don’t even have to study. I don’t want to study and if I do, I still won’t do as well as they do. I hate homework. I’m not going didn’t do it. It’s so boring! School sucks!”
He had all C’s and D’s. He didn’t want to do his homework so he didn’t. It was “boring” and “school was stressful”.
Needless to say, the arguments in our home were endless.
We made the difficult decision to switch him from his charter school to our public school at the end of the semester in December. We thought it would be “easier” on him.
It was HARDER. He didn’t like his classes or his teachers and he didn’t have friends. I learned months later he ate lunch ALONE in the hall next to the bathroom sitting on the floor EVERY DAY.
I saw the signs. He was sad, lost, and becoming depressed.
My story went something like this. “He doesn’t do his homework. He doesn’t care about school. He’s just so lazy. He’d rather play video games than study. He’s never going to get the grades he needs to get into college, let alone a good college. He’s never going to reach his potential. If he keeps this up, he’s going to fail. Yep, he’s gonna fail. If he fails, he might have to do summer school. That will ruin our summer and if he fails at that, he won’t graduate on time. Wait, what? He might not graduate? That CANNOT happen. He HAS to graduate.”
This thinking was always followed by a LONG lecture he didn’t listen to about how he was wasting his life, not reaching his potential, and not measuring up.
He responded by playing video games instead of doing his homework.
We made more rules. Stricter rules.
Then he hacked our wifi and discovered porn.
We took his phone away. His grades continued to suffer. The arguments in our home intensified.
Cue fight or flight…and THIS TIME he chose flight.
He started running away. He threatened suicide.
I had no idea WHAT TO DO. I was lost as a mother. He was lost as a teen. We tried counseling. It didn’t work. Everything we tried didn’t work.
I felt hopeless, sad, and empty. I wanted desperately to help him but I didn’tknow how.
There was a GAPPING divide between us.
And then I saw it with clarity.
Instead of inspiring him to reach his potential, I had forcibly taught him that he lacked the ability to ever be successful. I had unconsciously reinforced what he believed about himself, which is EXACTLY the OPPOSITE of what I had wanted to do.
I needed to change. This is when I discovered coaching. I learned and I practiced and I practiced some more. I worked on my mind, my thoughts, and my behavior. Little by little, EVERYTHING started to change.
I learned how to be the mother I wanted to be. I learned how to help my son not hate school. Now, three years later, our lives are completely different.
He’s doing well in school and I’m doing well as a mother.
