FREEDOM. It’s what teens want.
Freedom to do as they wish, to choose as they wish, to be as they wish. It’s extremely motivating for them. Ask a teen what they want most and freedom is the answer.
But often what teens view as freedom is really something more elusive. Something that if not unlearned will hamper their lasting success. This elusive freedom is also known as procrastination.
Procrastination gives teens the illusion of freedom. It tricks them into believing they have plenty of time. It seduces them with the joy of carefree play, but soon leaves them empty and suffering with feelings of GUILT and WORRY.
But what teens don’t realize is that procrastination is simply postponement of negative emotion. Human beings will always sacrifice the benefit of the future self for the immediate gratification in the moment. ALWAYS. It’s a powerful drive that our primitive brain uses without cognitive thought. We don’t even recognize our brain is convincing us of something that really isn’t good for us. We ignorantly believe that our brain always has our best interest at heart. But it doesn’t! Instead of choosing to do the work in the moment to complete a task, our brain tells us that it will be SO much easier if we have FUN now and WORK later.
This is why procrastination creates a false sense of control and security. “Of course there’s plenty of time to get the project done. To watch tv, read the chapter and answer the questions. I’ll get it done.” But most teens misjudge the time it takes to complete a task. A 20 minute project turns into a two-hour STRESS-fest. What seemed like freedom in the moment, has now turned into ANXIETY, DREAD, and HELPLESSNESS.
But then the teen pulls the impossible and gets the project done. Just in time. They even receive a good grade! Their brain uses this as further evidence and proof that they complete their best work under pressure. That it’s necessary and effective in creating their best work. Again, THIS IS NOT TRUE, but their brain believes it is. That it’s a fact. And then it creates a memory or habit built off this belief and the EXPERT PROCRASTINATOR IS BORN. This teen now not only believes that they do their best work under pressure, but that doing school work is unpleasant. Cue the repetition of the seemingly never-ending procrastination cycle that sucks in our teenagers and leaves them feeling desperately helpless and OUT.OF.CONTROL.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Procrastination reveals itself in a teen’s life when there is an underlying issue that needs to be resolved that they’re not even aware of. I like to think of it this way. If we smell something unpleasant in our teen’s room and we simply spray air freshener everyday hoping to cover the smell, we’ll get one result. If we choose to eliminate the smell completely by finding the source and cleaning it out, we’ll get a very different result. This is like procrastination. If a teen simply tries to eliminate procrastination, it won’t work because the source needs to be identified for lasting results.
Teens are procrastinating for a reason. It’s serving them in some way. They’re likely experiencing perfectionism, self-doubt, or even anger. Discovering the cause is the first step that gets the teen on the path to true FREEDOM!
Coaching will eliminate procrastination and will result in a strong, capable, and competent teen.
I’d LOVE to help your teen stop procrastinating! Click HERE for a FREE consultation.
Photo by Pedro da Silva on Unsplash
