What is clouding the way you view your teen?

Are you really seeing them clearly?  Do you see them as they are. . .or is it clouded over with misconceptions?

I’ve spent the past three weeks buying and cleaning a cabin. I have been scrubbing, disinfecting. and vacuuming every nook and cranny I could get my hands on. Nothing frightened me until I pulled the blinds up in the garage window. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. 😲 The entire window was full of bugs and cobwebs. THIS was going to be a bigger job than I’d expected. I immediately went to the laundry room to grab a pair of plastic gloves and more disposable disinfecting wipes. And then I dived in. I wiped and rubbed, cleaned and scrubbed until every last surface was gleaming and polished. What a transformation! What was once dirty and gross was now clean and inviting. And the incredible view that had been hidden from sight could now be seen clearly and easily enjoyed! 😍.  So what is clouding your view? What is keeping you from really seeing your teen as he/she is?

My friend, your perception is very much like this window. It’s composed of a lifetime of thoughts, opinions, beliefs, judgments, and experiences. Most of which you haven’t intentionally chosen to be there. They’ve arrived without your conscious knowledge as you’ve gone about living your life. And as you’ve lived, they’ve become a filtering system through which you see and experience the world. And yet, without you even knowing it, they’re clouding your view. They’re making it incredibly challenging to accurately see what’s right in front of you. So, instead of seeing the world as it is, you see the world as your perception reflects it back to you.

Now, you may be believing these two things are the same, but they’re not. They ARE vastly different and the difference is everything. Viewing the world through a clouded and cobweb-filled window allows you to see the world, but it doesn’t allow you to see it clearly. You see it THROUGH the dirt and debris. You see it THROUGH your perception which is NOT the reality that’s actually there. This is vital because how you see the world affects how you take it in, absorb it, and ultimately how you react to it.

This is true for the world and your teenager too. Your perception of your teen is what you’ll see when you look at and interact with them. You’ll see your own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and judgments reflected back to you. You’ll think you’re ‘seeing’ them clearly, as they are, but you’re not. You’re seeing them through your clouded lens perception of who you believe they are. THIS means you’re NOT witnessing THEM in their true lived from. And they know this. This is why they often look at you as if you don’t get them. As if you’re seeing them but looking straight through them.

So, here’s how it works. If you believe your teenager is lazy, guess what you’ll see? All the proof that your teenager is lazy. The shoes left on the floor. The laundry sitting in the dryer. The dishes that didn’t get put in the dishwasher. And your brain will take it all in, interpret it, and confirm what you already believed was true. Your teenager is lazy. And so, you’ll overreact, lecture, and criticize your teen hoping to change reality. But reality doesn’t AND won’t change when your perception drives you to show up like a crazy mom. 😉 No teenager responds and creates life-altering change when lectured or criticized.

And it works the same on the flip side. Because your ‘My teen is lazy’ perception is clouding your lens, you FAIL to see all the things your teen is doing that would prove they’re NOT lazy. The good grades they get in school. The job they’re never late for. And the grass that’s mowed every Saturday without a reminder.

Yes, my friend, your perception is what you see in the world, not the world itself. Acquiring the skill of clarifying your perspective allows you to see the world and your teen clearly. It will allow you to see what’s truly before your eyes. It will allow you to witness it AS IT IS so you don’t miss vital clues that you need to connect with the people you love most.

Your perception is the barrier to the beautiful view that’s waiting outside the window. You need to wipe and rub, clean and scrub, to make it crystal clear. If you want to clarify your perspective so you can connect with your teenager, a quick reply to this email will tell me you’re ready. CONNECTeen registration will open soon.

Your perception matters. It’s causing you to view the world through a clouded, cobweb-filled lens. It’s time you clarify it. Your teenager is longing for you to SEE them, not as you believe they are, but as they actually ARE. This is where connection lies. It’s waiting for you, my friend.