Last week I asked you to imagine an ideal relationship with your teen.
It’s likely you did what I asked. You wanted to believe so you spent time TRULY thinking and imagining what an ideal relationship with your teenager would be like. You pictured less arguing and more open conversations; less screen time and more moments of pure connection; less questioning, managing, and controlling and more bonding, encouraging, and understanding.
Your mind created a beautiful and inspiring ideal relationship to aspire to. A visualization so profound, so motivating, so clear, it was as if you were already living it. And so, you decided to carry this vision with you. You started to believe it was possible. Your thoughts about it began to create feelings of optimism and hope. “Maybe Anjanette was right,” you thought to yourself. “Maybe I can create an ideal relationship with my teen.”
And then, in an instant, your teen did something that wasn’t in alignment with your ideal vision and it all came crashing to the ground. Your mind immediately shifted out of the momentary bliss you’d created and landed you back where you’d started. You experienced another downward spiral into disbelief, frustration, and hopelessness. Believing, once again, that other moms create amazing relationships with their teens, but not you. Nope, definitely not you. Your mind then flooded with attempts to make sense of it all. It told you those other moms have something you don’t have. Something that makes creating a relationship with their teen natural. Almost effortless. Like they were born with it and you just weren’t. Since you’ll never have it, there’s no reason to try. For sure, that’s the problem. You’re trying to create something that’s impossible for you…you should give up now.
My friend, if you’ve experienced this, you are NOT alone. Belief is a tricky thing. It comes and goes. It rises and falls. It’s likely you’ve cycled through the ups and downs of believing you’ll figure out this “relationship with your teen” thing many, many times, only to slide back into your previous patterns of believing you never will. It’s also likely you’ve made the ups and downs mean something very negative about you and your teen. This additional negativity only further diminishes the likelihood you’ll create the lasting change you’re desperately seeking.
I’m not willing to let you struggle through the belief/despair cycle anymore. Today is the day everything changes for you. Today is the day you learn that none of this stuff your brain tells you is true.
Did you know that?
I too used to believe I could NEVER have what I really wanted. I didn’t believe I was worthy of relationships others would envy or dream about, especially with my teens. I didn’t believe it would happen to me. I didn’t believe I could create what I was longing for. Why? Because I listened to the made-up stories my brain offered me that seemed to be true. Factual even. My mind was expert at compiling convincing piles of evidence detailing every failed attempt I’d made at changing who I was and the life I was living. It showed me the supporting proof in such spectacular splendor that, of course, I believed it…time and time again. I cycled through the belief/despair loop over and over and over.
Until one day I learned there REALLY wasn’t anything special separating me from what I wanted. Everything was in my grasp if I was willing to reach out and grab it. Learning about my brain, how it functions, its built-in programming, and its tendencies based on my upbringing and experiences offered me the key to everything I was longing to create. I started to question the things my brain offered me, realizing it was simply doing its primary biological job of keeping me alive and nothing more. It wasn’t showing me inherent truth or fact. No, not by a long shot. It was showing me perception and opinion masked as truth and fact and I’d fallen prey to it for FAR too long.
If you’re tired of looping from exhilarating belief to debilitating despair, I can help you get out. YOU are capable of creating the ideal relationship you’ve been envisioning for so, so, so long. The reason you haven’t yet is you can’t unmask your own perception and opinion from truth and fact. You need someone to help you decipher and untangle it with you. That’s what I do. I help my clients undo the story that’s keeping them from living their dreams while creating beliefs that lead them to fulfill their dreams.
I know what you’re thinking. This works for everyone BUT me. If you’re telling yourself this, that’s exactly the kind of thinking we undo in coaching. Together we unravel the story that’s keeping you stuck. It doesn’t matter if they think you’ve missed your chance. It doesn’t matter if your teen’s getting older. It doesn’t matter if they barely say two words to you right now. None of it matters. What matters is YOU and what you want. If you want a stronger, more connected relationship with your teen, it’s waiting for you.
You’ve simply got to be willing to do what it takes to create it. So, are you willing?
