Raising a teenager doesn’t have to be hard.
But for most moms, it is.
Why?
Because they make it hard.
Yes, my friend, YOU are making it hard.
You make it hard when you think, ‘I can’t.’
‘I can’t believe they did that.’
‘I can’t believe they said that.’
‘I can’t get them off their phone.’
‘I can’t understand why they stay in their room.’
‘I can’t figure this out.’
You make it hard when you think, ‘Why me?’
‘Why does my teen have to yell?’
‘Why does my teen leave a mess?’
‘Why doesn’t my teen listen to me?’
‘Why doesn’t my teen do what I want them to do?’
‘Why can’t they be different than they are?’
You make it hard when you think, ‘If only.’
‘If only my teen did their chores.’
‘If only my teen wasn’t grumpy.’
‘If only my teen had good grades.’
‘If only my teen talked to me.’
‘If only I wasn’t the bad guy.’
These thoughts make raising a teen hard because they argue with reality.
There IS a reality that exists in the world.
This reality includes what your teen says and does.
It also includes what you say and do.
Reality is just the facts of life. The ‘isness’ of the world.
The problem arises when your brain believes it knows better than reality what reality should be. But when your thoughts are contrary to the facts of life, you lose. And you lose 100% of the time because facts do not lie. Facts just are. They cannot be argued with and sanity maintained. And yet, you do it.
Your teen hasn’t turned in their homework for weeks.
They have 14 zeros. Their grade is a D.
This is the reality of life.
Your mind doesn’t like reality so it tries to change it.
Instead of thinking about what is, it thinks about what ‘should’ be.
It layers a story on top of reality and it causes you nothing but pain.
‘I can’t believe they haven’t done their work. I can’t believe they have a D. Why can’t they just do their work? If only my teen did what they were supposed to do, life would be easier and I wouldn’t be upset.’
These thoughts argue with reality.
Your teen hasn’t done their work. They do have a D. Clearly, they’re NOT supposed to do their work because they haven’t done it. You feel upset.
THIS is the reality of life.
And when you argue with it, you are the one that’s making life hard. Life would be easier if you stopped trying to tell reality what it should be. And instead, allowed reality to be what it is.
Schoolwork doesn’t get done. Teens get D’s. Moms feel feelings.
None of it’s a problem until you try to argue with it. Until you tell it NOT to be the way that it is. Until you believe imposing your thoughts on reality makes you powerful enough to make facts change.
It’s time you STOP arguing with reality.
Ditch those ‘I can’ts.’
Dump those ‘Why me’s?’
Drop those ‘If only’s.’
Then listen.
Hear that?
It’s the absence of arguing with reality. It’s silence. It’s allowing what is TO BE. Breathe it in. Meet it. Let it envelop you.
Reality does not make you upset. Arguing with reality does. When you allow what is, there is NOTHING but calm. Nothing but peace. And nothing but space to be intentional about the next important step – changing reality to be what you want it to be.
Yes, my friend, you CAN change reality but you don’t change it by arguing with it.
I teach moms of teens how to create the reality they truly want and next week I’ll give you a taste of what you’re missing by not joining me. Don’t miss it.
