I asked my girls to clean out the fridge.
Once. In my nice voice.
It was a request, not a command.
A simple, “Would you please?”
I left the details up to them.
They knew what to keep and what to throw out.
They knew how to wipe the shelves and the drawers.
I’d shown them how before.
They knew they could do it.
I trusted them.
They cleaned while I worked.
Upon walking out of the office, my girls grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen. They stood in front of the fridge smiling as they asked, “Mom, are you ready?”
Yes! I was ready.
They opened the door to reveal their prized work. It was the cleanest and tidiest fridge I’d ever seen. They were proud as punch. And so was I.
It hasn’t always been this easy. I used to stress about chores. And so did my teens.
Every day I used to think about how to get my teens to do them and what to do if they didn’t. It consumed and frustrated me. My teens rarely did what I asked so I resorted to bribes and yelling to get what I wanted. Chores done. House tidy. Whew.
But even when the chores were done, it felt like I lost.
Why? Because I eventually began to see I had much, MUCH bigger problems than dirty dishes and messy rooms.
Their constant resistance. The arguments. The eye rolls. The undone chores.
These were simply symptoms. Visible symptoms of our disconnected relationship.
Suddenly it was clear why they didn’t want to do what I asked.
They didn’t like me and I didn’t like them.
This was a serious problem that needed to be fixed and needed to be fixed quickly. Before it got worse. Before they moved out and never wanted to come back.
Today, I no longer bark orders to my teens.
There’s no arguing and no coercion to do chores in our home.
My teens eagerly do what I ask. The first time.
They want to do what’s asked of them because we’re connected.
Connection changes people. It will change you and your teen too.
If you’re longing for your teen to want to do what you ask the first time you ask it, I’d love to teach you the skills to make it happen. Reach out and I’ll show you how.
