Tonight marked the end of another year of piano lessons.
A recital. A chance to show your skills.
To be celebrated for your work. Your effort.
Your commitment.
Every student performed. Played. And survived.
I say survived because I was shocked at the ending.
“You did better than I thought you would.”
“You didn’t make many mistakes.”
“You almost made it through that song.”
Is this praise? Is this “great job” in the era of perfection?
To uplift and support the children we came to celebrate?
My heart was sad, and my brain confused.
Children’s faces attempting to disguise the emotions triggered by their parents’ words.
I knew inside these kids were disappointed. Shocked. And wondering.
Will I ever do enough to be worthy of praise?
Am I enough? Am I good? Am I worthy?
Now, I know these parents love their children. They were at the piano recital. Recorded it. Clapped and cheered. Paid for lessons even. All of that.
But why then the criticism disguised as praise?
FIRST: because we don’t think before we speak.
We say the first words that come to mind.
We think we’re helping. Supporting. Praising.
We don’t recognize the negativity of our words.
SECOND: more than ever we expect perfection.
There is no praise in pointing out flaws or mistakes.
It just doesn’t work. Our children know what we’re saying.
But more importantly, they know what we mean.
That they could have done better. Should have done better.
Their effort wasn’t enough. Their trophy not big enough.
Our children deserve better than this. They are worthy. Loveable. Amazing. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. With or without a perfect performance.
Next time, when you’re caught for what to say remember the simpler, the better. “Great job! We love you!” always works!
Photo by Clark Young on Unsplash
