Today’s December 30, 2020. It’s a day like any other. And yet, it feels special.
Special because I spent my day doing what I love – helping moms connect with their teens.
Now, I know I say and write this particular phrase often. In fact, I repeat it frequently and I think because I do, the TRUE meaning of it might get lost or muted or lose its power. So, if this is happening for you, I want to take a moment and share from my perspective what it means to connect with your teen.
The dictionary defines connection as a relationship in which a person is linked to or associated with someone else.
Booooring. Described like that it likely makes you seriously question your desire for connection. It seems so blah, so drab, so un-lifechanging. And yet, you and I both know connection is far MORE than that simple definition.
So, what really is connection and why do we desperately seek it?
Honestly, I believe connection is as unique as we each are as individual human beings. None of us are identical. We’re each throbbing with a unique signature, a unique essence that makes us identifiably original and considerably special. Just like your unique fingerprints, connection will be unique to you. It will be experienced, felt, and defined as only you can. This is what makes connection beautiful. It’s so transcendent and transformational you’ll never be the same once you’ve truly experienced it.
So, yes, connection is more than being linked to someone. It’s way, way more and I promise … YOU WANT to have an intimate bond with its amazing powers.
For me, connection is more about the moments when my teen and I are so united, present, and cohesive that time seems to slow down, priorities become clear, and everything else melts away. Connecting moments are truly spiritual in nature. They’re deep, personal, binding, flowing, and encapsulated in stillness. Not stillness meaning there’s no action occurring, but stillness in the sense that peace and clarity envelope you as you’re transported to a state of tranquility and timelessness. Yes, transported to a state of indescribable enlightenment and truth. To have experienced such a connecting moment will forever change you. It will whisper to your soul, cause your heart to flutter, tears to drip from your eyes, and send chills down your spine.Connecting moments change humans forever. They create unforgettable significance through their deep, binding power.
Connection happens when we’re present. Presence is the capacity to drop the ‘doing’ and enter the ‘being’. To be fully present, aware, and centered in what is occurring right then. Entering the present moment is letting go of the past (releasing emotions, regret, and past baggage) and not skipping to the future (making predictions about what will be). It’s being with the “is-ness” of life. The best way to learn the power of presence is to slow yourself down and strive to truly be with your teen. To sense what they sense. To feel what they feel. To see the world from their perspective. Presence isn’t pushing your ‘stuff’ onto them, but witnessing and accepting them. Presence does NOT happen when you’re mentally lost in the business of transactional living, crossing off mental to-do’s, or managing others’ actions. Presence happens when you’re available and open and living in the now.
Mothers must be present in order for their teens to be seen. ‘Do you see me?’ is THE question your teen is asking themself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. They wonder if YOU, their beloved mother, sees them. Like truly ‘sees’ them. Not just watches them walk in the door. Not just notices them drop their backpack on the floor. Not just catches a glimpse of them as they hustle into their room.
No, they’re longing for you to TRULY witness them. For you to recognize them for who they are. Completely different from your expectations, your dreams, or your agenda for them. They want YOU to SEE them. To witness their internal essence. To appreciate and accept what makes them authentically them. Allowing them to connect to their inner voice and guidance, NOT to yours. Connection begins with your desire to ‘see’.
Your teen is always inviting you to recognize them on the deepest level possible. To understand their true essence. To witness who they are before they even ‘do’ anything at all. You do this when you recognize and acknowledge their dynamic and free-flowing connection to their inner-knowing, their truth. Developing the ability to see beyond the surface to their deeper needs is pivotal in your quest for connection.
When mothers are present and teens feel seen – connection happens! It’s like magic. ⚡️
Just today I experienced a powerful connection with my teenagers as I:
- Laughed with my daughters as we celebrated the joy of slathering butter on slices of fresh, hot crusty bread from Basha’s as it quickly melted into its soft, squishy, delicious goodness. Yummy!
- Witnessed the joy on my daughters’ faces as they unveiled the amazing and thorough job they did deep-cleaning the kitchen fridge while I coached clients for several hours. I asked them only once to do this job.
- Helped my son finalize important plans for his upcoming move to the dorm as he begins his college experience at Arizona State University. Oh, how I’m going to miss having him in our home. Yep, even the late-night hoops and hollers as he excitedly competes in Rocket League tournaments with his friends.
My friend, connection is everything. If you haven’t experienced its transcendent, transformational power, you need to. Your life will never be the same once you do. And please, do NOT tell yourself that you’re not capable of it or that you’ve messed everything up with your teen and there’s no way to fix it. This simply isn’t true. No matter where you are today, you can have connection tomorrow (figuratively, of course 😉). There’s nothing that can’t be worked out and worked through. This is what I do every day in coaching. I show moms how to melt away their doubts and insecurities and leave only confidence and connection in their wake.
Yes, today was special because I helped moms connect with their teens.
Today was special because I helped YOU connect with your teen.
That’s everything to me, my friend. Everything.
Thank you for being here and for welcoming me into your inbox each week in 2020. It’s an honor and a privilege I do not take lightly. Thank you for trusting me.
