Your teen hasn’t turned in their homework for weeks.
They have 14 zeros. Their grade is a D.
This is the reality of life, and changing that reality has never been so easy.
Before last week you chose to argue with it.
You layered a story on top of reality.
You told it what it ‘should’ be.
This did nothing but make you upset.
Your teen still hasn’t turned in their homework.
They have 14 zeros. Their grade is a D.
Reality is what it always was. You did nothing to change it.
You simply added suffering because now you’re upset.
My friend, you CAN change reality, but NOT by arguing with it.
You change reality by using your influence – your most powerful tool as a mother.
Harness the power of your influence by following these four steps:
1. Allow what is to be.
This means you choose NOT to argue with reality. You release your grasp on making something other than what it is. This allows you to observe it. Witness it. See it. You begin to understand that reality is what it should be. And then you recognize your desire to rewrite reality has led you to nothing but insanity.
Yep, remember: when you believe your teen shouldn’t have a D and they do, you get upset. Your mind spins out, tracing worst-case scenarios until you’ve envisioned your teen living in a van down by the river. 😉 This makes you so upset you’re boiling inside. Of course, no good mom allows that to happen to their teen, so you walk in their room, point your finger, and yell in a voice that shakes them to the core, “I can’t take it anymore! D’s are not acceptable. Get your homework done NOW or you’ll never leave this house.”
FOR SURE you’re believing this will make your teen do their homework and you’ll have it fixed once and for all.
Except, it doesn’t and it won’t. Why? You’re arguing with reality – showing up like this and believing it’s going to somehow turn into anything but a complete disaster. My friend, this is the definition of insanity (meaning extreme irrationality). I know because I once resided there full-time.
Arguing with reality will NEVER work because it convinces you to use your influence in ways that don’t get you what you actually want. Choose instead to allow what is to be.
2. Select powerful, calming emotions.
When you allow what is to be, there’s no more arguing. And in the absence of arguing, there’s only calm. There’s only peace. That’s it. This creates the space to figure out what’s really going wrong.
3. Discover the ‘real’ problem.
From a calm, peaceful emotional space, direct your mind to discover the ‘real’ problem.
Your teen has a D. Your teen isn’t doing their homework. But why? Why aren’t they doing their work? What’s going on for them that they’d rather face your insane tirade than complete their assignments? 😉
Herein lies the ‘real’ problem. Whatever your teen is experiencing is the secret behind your reality.
Are they confused? Overwhelmed? Bored? Sad? Lost? Lonely? Afraid? Intimidated? Embarrassed? Distracted? Incompetent? Worried?
What is driving them to NOT do their work?
Let’s assume they feel lost in history. There are too many dates and names and places and details and they can’t remember them all. This causes them to avoid asking for help because they’d rather avoid it than face what they can’t figure out. It also causes them to be inattentive and creates a lack of desire. So, they spend their time doing anything but history. Hence, their work doesn’t get done and your lived reality exists.
Now you have a problem you can solve.
4. Use your influence – your most powerful tool as a mother – to change reality.
Your teen isn’t doing their work because they feel lost.
They don’t know how to change this reality. If they did, they would’ve already changed it. No teenager wants to feel lost in school. So, they disengage and avoid what is. Sound familiar? 😉
Here’s where you use your influence to change reality.
You show up for yourself by showing up for your teen.
You empathize with them.
You have compassion.
You unconditionally love them.
You believe in them.
You step into curiosity.
You try to understand what it’s like to be lost in history.
You offer support.
You offer them words of encouragement.
You celebrate them.
You cheer them on.
You meet them where they are.
You help them find a friend or a tutor.
Maybe you help them.
You hold space for them while also offering them a path out of the hell they’re in.
You grab onto them (figuratively) and you don’t let go.
And you do it all over and over until reality shifts.
Until your teen figures out history and they no longer feel lost. (If this sounds like a lot, it’s because it’s new. Once it’s habitual, it’s effortless and easy. I promise. Yes, you need to do the reps to learn it, but then it’s natural. You have the muscle and you just flex it. 💪🏼)
THIS, my friend, is how you change reality. You intentionally use your influence – how you show up in your life – to transform yourself and your teen.
If your reality is not what you want it to be, you’re underestimating the power you have to transform your reality. All because you’re choosing to argue with it instead of CHANGE it. Your influence as a mother is profound beyond measure. If you want to change reality, you can. I know because I have.
I remember what it was like to feel helpless to my reality. I eventually grew tired of it so I changed how I showed up and the ripple effect of my influence spread throughout my family. Soon, my reality was exactly what I wanted it to be. You can have your dream life too. It’s my mission to show you how to love reality AND have a teenager. It’s possible, my friend.
Stick around cause we’re just getting started. Next week I’ll teach you how a dance is keeping your teen from listening to you the first time and how to fix it with ease.
