I have four children.
They’re amazing. Talented. Fun.
I love them fiercely.
But, occasionally, I wonder.
I wonder HARD.
About my ability to parent them.
To be the parent I want to be.
Today is one of those days.
I had to be a parent.
Not a friend or cheerleader.
I had to do hard.
I had to follow-through.
An expectation was not met.
The consequence was known.
My husband was gone.
It was my job.
To be the “bad guy”.
To take devices away.
To unplug computers.
To follow-through with the consequence.
And I did it. Without hesitation. 😉
It wasn’t always like this.
I used to struggle with following through.
With doing what I thought would create the best future.
For me and for my kids.
The pain I felt in the moment mattered.
Mattered WAY more than the possible future pain.
Then I began to recognize the struggle.
The struggle my kids were having.
My lack of consistency, of follow-through,
Was not serving them or me.
We were doing what was easy at the moment,
But we were making our lives harder.
I call this Survival Parenting.
When we do what we have to do in the moment simply to survive.
Just doing what we must to make it through.
There are no clear rules, expectations, or guidelines.
Consequences are given on a whim.
Whatever seems right in the moment, yep, that’s it.
That’s what we’ll do. Parent at the spur of the moment.
No plan. We simply react.
Survival parenting had to stop.
So it did.
Expectations and consequences were made clear.
No more, “But I didn’t know” or “You didn’t tell me that”.
Nope, we meant business. Firm and friendly business.
Cue constant tantrums and emotional breakdowns.
(Oh wait, those were mine. 😜)
The kids too gave us some pushback and smack talk.
But pretty soon, it was easier.
Fewer explanations of “why” it happened as it did.
Fewer negotiations about getting a break.
Fewer “This just isn’t fair” discussions.
There are still days like today.
Where I wonder.
Wonder how I’m doing as a parent.
But then I remind myself,
It’s all ok because…
I’d rather DO HARD NOW, TO CREATE EASE LATER.
You can too, my friend.
If you’re wondering, “HOW?”, book a FREE call today and I’ll help you get the parenting clarity you’re longing for. It’s time you stop survival parenting.
