I’m a bad mom. Just ask my daughter.
This week she told me ALL the things I’m doing wrong.
– I don’t love her enough.
– I love my coaching clients more.
– I’m always coaching.
– I don’t watch her at gymnastics.
– We don’t go on vacation like everyone else.
– We only go to Utah in the summer.
– I don’t pick her up at school enough.
– I should take her shopping more.
– I spend all my time working.
It went on and on.
I listened intently as she talked. I only made sounds, “mh-mh”, “oh”, “ahh”.
I listened until she stopped. Then she looked at me surprisingly and said, “Are you mad?” I said no and we went about our day.
As I tucked her into bed that night, she told me she was sorry and didn’t mean all the things she’d said. I told her I enjoyed hearing her share her mind. That it was ok to express her thoughts and feelings. I told her it was all good and I appreciated her willingness to share.
Years ago I would have argued with my daughter and pointed out how OFF she was. I would have felt attacked and defended myself passionately till I knew she understood that she was definitely WRONG and I was definitely RIGHT.
But I didn’t do ANY of that.
I just listened…to every single word. I took them in willingly and processed them. I allowed them to sit in my mind. I didn’t judge her words OR judge her for saying them. It was all ok.
Her words were just information and I could DECIDE to interpret the situation in a way that serves me or in a way that hurts me. I CHOSE TO HAVE IT SERVE ME.
I looked at the things she said with curiosity. I found the truth in her words. I chose to make changes. I took today off from coaching (other than this email) to watch her at gymnastics and to spend time with my children. Intentional thinking drove intentional choices resulting in intentional changes.
What kind of parent do you want to be? Do you know you GET to CHOOSE?
I’m doing it and so can you, my friend! Choose to interpret situations in a way that serves you.
