Why your teen lies? They say they put their laundry away.
You believe them.
Until you see the pile of clothes shoved in the closet.
Your teen says their homework is done.
You believe them.
Until you get the missing assignment notification.
Your teen says they’re not sneaking out.
You believe them.
Until you wake at 2 am and their bed is empty.
Your teen says they’d never vape.
You believe them.
Until you discover the empty pod in their jean pocket.
Your teen says they’re not having sex.
You believe them.
Until you find the used condom in the trashcan.
Teenagers lie.
They say one thing while knowing the opposite is true.
But why?
Why do teenagers lie?
Teenagers lie for one reason and one reason only:
They believe the truth won’t get them what they want.
And they want what they want. (Just like you and I … btw)
Your teen wants to avoid putting their clothes away.
If they tell you they shoved it in the closet, you’ll make them do it.
Your teen wants to not do their homework.
If they tell you it’s not done, you’ll hire them a tutor.
Your teen wants to spend time with friends.
If they tell you they’re sneaking out, you’ll lock the doors and turn the alarm on.
Your teen wants to vape.
If they tell you they’re vaping, you’ll give them a lecture about how bad it is for their health and search their room.
Your teen wants to have sex.
If they tell you they’re sexually active, you’ll ground them and ban them from seeing their partner.
The moral of the story for your teen is: If I tell the truth, I don’t get what I want.
And so, your teen lies because they want what they want.
They’re willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want.
Can you blame them?
Imagine wanting something and believing someone is the barrier preventing you from having it. You’d likely lie to that person too. If only to get what you desire.
This is NOT a character flaw. Your teen’s not broken. Or bad. And they don’t need counseling or an exorcism.
They’re simply a human with a desire for something they want. Something they believe will make their life easier, more exciting, and more fun. They’re simply seeking to feel good. Humans will always find a path to their personal ‘happily ever after’ moment.
Yes, my friend. Your teen is developing normally if they’re lying to you. Nothing has gone wrong here. Don’t freak out. Don’t lose your cool. Don’t ground them till the end of time.
Just breathe and notice what changes when you try to understand your teen’s lying instead of judging your teen for lying. You might actually use your influence to impact, lessen, or even eliminate your teen’s desire to lie. Now, wouldn’t that be cool?
