My friend, your presence matters. Never underestimate its power in helping you connect with your teenager.
Last week I got a new car. Well, a ‘new to me’ new car. I cried as I left my beloved Kia minivan at the Land Rover dealer. 😉 It was the end of an era. An era of having little kids. Of needing and loving the convenience of sliding doors. Of driving carpools. Of having our entire family fit easily and comfortably in one car.
And still, it was time. For months I’d been sensing my desire to graduate to a more sophisticated ride. Not to mention my husband’s persistent prodding to make the change for years and years. He longed for me to drive a car that wouldn’t have him ducking or hiding his face in public. 🤪 He held his head high with a gleaming smile as we drove off the lot in my new Defender. He was the epitome of ‘proud as punch’
As we made our way home, I noticed how different the Defender drove from my minivan. The ride was smoother. It sat higher. It accelerated with ease. This was the luxurious ride I’d been longing for. And yet, I felt like a brand new driver. I didn’t know how to change the radio station. I couldn’t adjust the temp. I struggled to answer a call when my phone rang. But the biggest obstacle was changing lanes. The mirrors were different. The visibility was altered. I became keenly aware of my intense discomfort with my surroundings. Something that had been so easy and natural was now a challenge. Was there someone beside me? Was it safe to move over? Was a car going to sneak up in my blind spot without me knowing? Was I going to hit someone? My senses were heightened as I focused my attention on learning to drive my new car safely.
Over the past week, I’ve driven a lot. I’ve become more familiar and comfortable with the Land Rover. I can now see other cars with ease. I understand the signals on the mirrors and their corresponding warnings. They’ve assisted me in changing lanes without causing an accident. I’ve learned much, but the most important lesson came when the car next to me stayed in their lane just like they’re supposed to. Yes, my friend, it’s true.
Here’s why: when there’s a car in the lane next to me, I don’t change lanes. I stay where I am. I notice they’re there and I maintain my position. We both remain where we are. Moving forward. Making progress. Getting to where we want to go. And yet, their presence impacts me and my presence impacts them. Our journeys are influenced by each other, even without any contact. Although there are NO visible signs of interaction, we ARE affecting each other. We ARE impacting one another. Our presence creates a compelling effect on them, their day, and their travels.
This realization has not only affected how I’m driving, but how I’m raising my teenagers. My influence is the greatest power I have in creating change in the world. I’ve known this for a long time, but until last week I’d underestimated the sheer importance of my presence. I’d undervalued the power of the vibe I emanate when I’m going about living my daily life. Doing laundry. Cooking dinner. Cleaning up shoes. Opening the mail. Walking up the stairs. Sitting in a chair. Just being. When others are in my vicinity, I impact them. My aura is profound. It has the power to determine if they want to spend time with me. If they want to share their day with me. If they want to approach me. Or not.
This realization is everything, my friend. We’re influencing and affecting others simply by being there. Our presence matters. It’s emanating powerful vibrations and impacting the direction of those we love and care about. Focusing intently on what I say and do has been at the forefront of my parenting transformation. But today I acknowledge my vibe has had more power in creating connection with my teens than anything else. Whatever you want to call it, your vibe, charm, appeal, aura, flavor, mojo, or pizazz, it matters. It’s the hallmark of your presence and it’s radiating its energy to everything and everyone you encounter, including your teenager. Selecting and tailoring your vibe is a skill that’ll create an ‘I-must-be-with-you’ energy your teen is drawn to. You’ll become so palatable your teen will beg to be in your presence.
Just the other day my daughter called me exasperated that I’d been away from home for an hour or more. She’d noticed I was missing and she desperately wanted me to return. Upon arriving home, I asked her, “What’s going on?” She quickly responded, “I just wanted you to be here.” 🥰 THIS is the power of presence. When your teen notices you’re away and desires your return, you’re on to something magical. Your vibe is enticing and inviting. It’s pulling them closer to you. It’s influencing them while also transforming their presence in your home. When this happens it’s a win-win and you’re for sure on the way to your dream destination – a fun, loving, and meaningful connection with your teenager.
Now let me remind you. I’m not special. I wasn’t born with something you weren’t. And I don’t have extraordinary teens. I’m an ordinary mom with ordinary teens. The only difference between you and me is skills. Skills that have allowed me to develop an intimate bond with my teenagers. You CAN too. Please don’t tell yourself otherwise. It only prevents you from getting what you want. You simply need to decide you’re ready to make it happen. If you’re ready, I’m ready. Just reach out and let me know.
