Do you freak out over little things my friend? I used to as well, but not anymore. Let me show you how.
Being at my parents’ house is always a delight. I love how it’s nestled at the base of the mountains. It’s surrounded by hills of all sizes. Making it either a runner’s dream or a runner’s nightmare. I happen to think it’s a dream! Pushing my legs to run up the hills is always a challenge I’m ready for. Especially since I live and run in the Arizona desert where everything, and I mean everything, is flat.
Last week after a grueling four-mile run on those dreamy hills, I was ready for a refreshing shower. As I walked into the bathroom I was sharing with my three daughters, this is what I saw. A brand new bottle of soap spilled into the bag.
Years ago my brain would have freaked out. – this mess would have been too much for me to handle. I would’ve spun out thinking, “How could she do this? What was she thinking? I can’t believe she wasted the soap I just bought her two days ago. This is ridiculous!” Feeling frustration coursing through my veins, I would’ve yelled at the top of my lungs. “ADDISON ANNE LUDWIG, GET IN HERE!” Then I would’ve demanded an explanation as I scolded her for not being more responsible. She would’ve tried to explain herself, but I’d struggle to listen as my frustration boiled into anger. Anger that would’ve eventually driven me to shut her down, take privileges away, and threaten to NEVER buy her anything EVER again!
Yes, my friend. That’s the mother I used to be. Little things like soap spilled in a bag, crumbs on the counter, or shoes left on the floor used to trigger me. I’d flip out. I’d lose control. I’d yell and scream and argue. I’d push my kids to offer explanations I knew I’d never accept. What they offered was NEVER good enough. Their behaviors were not acceptable and needed to change immediately. I believed yelling, taking away privileges, and threatening were how I’d get what I wanted — kids who were responsible and did what they were supposed to do.
Luckily that years-ago-version-of-me wasn’t in the bathroom last week when I discovered the soap. She would have lost it! Instead, the updated-version-of-me was there. Guess what Anjanette 2.0 did?
I saw the bag of spilled soap. I grabbed it and held it up. My face smirked as I thought, “Addy doesn’t know how to twist the pump back in. She has no idea she can do that. She doesn’t know because I haven’t taught her. After I shower, I’ll teach her how.”
Feeling calm and relaxed, I enjoyed a refreshing shower. Once fully dressed, I called Addy and asked her to come up. As she walked into the bathroom, I held up the bag of soap and smiled. She laughed and said, “Oops!” We laughed together as I taught her how to hold the soap over the sink, push the spout down, and twist to lock it in place. She thanked me for taking the time to teach her and expressed a sincere apology for the spilled soap. I stared intently into her eyes and said, “It’s ok. It’s just spilled soap. It’s not a big deal. I love you. Thank you for letting me teach you. If you need help figuring things out, please know you can always come to me.” She replied with a quick, “Thanks, Mom!” and ran off to find her cousins.
My friend, it’s often the little things that create the biggest drama. Little things like spilled soap. And yet, managing myself during the little things is what’s helped me get where I am today — managing ALL the things, big and little, with ease. I’ve realized getting what I want from my kids doesn’t require yelling, taking away privileges, or threatening them. It requires something far more simple and far more effective — teaching.
Teaching your teenager is a skill that will magnify your influence in your teen’s life. If you have this skill, bravo. But if not, learning how to teach your teen in a way that’s connecting and not repelling can be challenging. Too many teens are turned off AND tune out when their parents teach. It doesn’t have to be this way. I’ve mastered the skill of teaching teens. You can learn it too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming group coaching program, CONNECTeen. Registration will open in July. I can’t wait to have you join me. If you want to be the first to know when it opens, reply to this email and I’ll add you to the interest list.
If you’re like the years-ago-version-of-me that freaks out over the little things, ask yourself if there’s something you need to teach your teen. I’m pretty sure there is. Your teen will thank you for teaching them instead of yelling at them. 😉
