This week our family is on vacation. And while we traveled I learned some lessons about raising teenagers. We’re headed to Utah for my niece’s wedding. It’s a LONG drive from Chandler, Arizona to Logan, Utah – over 13+ hours with highly efficient pitstops (gas, restroom, snack, and GO). In the past we’ve cramped our family, all six of us, in the minivan. This time it’s different. This time we’re riding in comfort and style in our new … motorhome. It’s a dream come true!
For years Craig and I have talked about the fun we’d have cruising and exploring the country together. Just he and I. In a motorhome. Seeing the sights and hanging out with each other. We’ve laid awake many nights planning detailed adventures and must-see sites we don’t want to miss. We’d always thought it would happen when our kids were grown, but with our second oldest heading into her senior year, it seemed like the perfect time to invest in making MORE memories.
And so, here we are. All six of us. In our new motorhome. Racing up the freeway from southern Arizona to the northernmost tip of Utah.
A few hours ago my hubby requested a driving break. He was hungry. He asked me to relieve him. Luckily he’d warned me last night I’d need to drive part of the way. Initially, I was freaked out. The thought of driving a 35-foot motorhome was more than I could handle. But then, I decided very intentionally that it was something I was capable of, even if my mind told me otherwise. I felt certain I was ready, until it became my turn to sit in the driver’s seat. Suddenly my fears came rushing back. My insecurities and inadequacies flooded to the surface. I verbalized my doubt as my husband buckled the seatbelt across me. “Let’s go,” he gleefully encouraged.
I’m not going to lie. I said a silent but desperate and frantic prayer in my mind. I did not want to die and I did not want to harm my children. I put it in drive and we were off. I’m sure I’ve never looked more awkward behind the wheel. I’m typically a confident, speedy, and relaxed driver. But not today. I was tense beyond words. I sat up straight. My hands clenched the huge steering wheel. 10 and 2. My eyes fixated on the road ahead of me. I was determined to not only survive, but to thrive driving our new motorhome.
My friend, it was hard. Like one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. And I’m NOT kidding. I’ve never focused more diligently or more consistently for two hours than I did today. And I learned something invaluable about keeping the motorhome in-between the lines – small, almost imperceptible, movements are FAR more effective than huge, apparent ones.
Motorhomes are big and tall and heavy. Their wheels are no different. Their sheer size is staggering. Any bump or groove in the road grabs the tires and pulls the entire vehicle to the side. I quickly realized driving a motorhome is NOT like driving a minivan. Whenever I tried to correct the pull with a quick tug on the wheel, the motorhome would feel as if it were going to tip over. But when I barely turned the wheel against the pull, the motorhome would ease out of the groove and back into the lane. Once I mastered this skill, there were no more sudden shifts from side to side. Also, the sudden shrill of fear from my beloved passengers also quickly stopped. 😅
My friend, it was hard. Like one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. And I’m NOT kidding. I’ve never focused more diligently or more consistently for two hours than I did today. And I learned something invaluable about keeping the motorhome in-between the lines – small, almost imperceptible, movements are FAR more effective than huge, apparent ones.
Driving a motorhome is a lot like parenting teens. Teens sometimes make choices that veer them out of their lane. When this happens, we want to jump in and tug on the wheel. We want to pull it back quickly to ensure our teens are safely between the lines. But, as I learned today, making drastic, sudden changes is not only ineffective, but harmful. As mothers, we are more influential by using small, almost imperceptible guidance to help our teens gradually steer themselves back. Going to extremes is not only a dangerous driving strategy, but a terrible parenting strategy. Every time I freaked out and jerked the wheel, the motorhome heaved under the pressure. I thought we were going to crash. It’s exactly the same with your teen. Teens will resist every ounce of support, help, and advice you give if its too much. Too drastic. Too strong. Too abrupt. They’ll push against you instead of move with you.
My friend, your influence is the most powerful gift you have as a mother. Learning to magnify your influence makes you more palatable and more desirable to your teen. And from there, you’ll know how to effectively steer them back into the safety of their own lane. This is the work we do in CONNECTeen, my group coaching program for moms. Registration will open again in late July. I’d love to have you join me. Simply reply to this email to receive more information.
Happy summer!
