Perfect perfection. It’s how I’ve always wanted it to be.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a perfectionist.
And I was a perfect perfectionist.
Everything in rows, lined up, spaced just as they should be.
It drove me through 16 years of school.
It drove me to be #1, my university’s valedictorian.
It drove me to success.
But what I’ve never been willing to acknowledge till recently was it also drove me CRAZY.
The constant pressure to be perfect. To have no errors. To impress. To shine.
The fear of doing anything less than perfect was often more than I could bear.
So I filled my time with doing. Rewriting notes, rewriting papers, checking and rechecking.
Doing and repeating till I was pleased.
Doing and repeating till I believed others would be pleased.
Doing and repeating till the A was a guarantee.
Even as an adult I demanded perfection of myself.
A tidy house, well-mannered children, elaborate parties, amazing job, happy relationships.
I longed for the image of it all.
Then I learned the “B-” principle and I cringed. Part of me shuddered deep, deep inside.
This might work for other people, but not people like me. “B-” will NEVER be ok.
It’s just not good enough. I resisted with persistence.
And then I tried it.
I decided I’d “try” to be satisfied with “B-” work in just one area of my life.
It was painful. It felt like the air was being cut off, restricted, but I kept trying.
Soon, I realized I was not only satisfied by “B-” work, but I actually enjoyed it.
I felt free. Free to not have my house look perfect. Free to sometimes leave dishes in the sink. Free to let my children learn to manage their own spaces as they choose to.
“B-” work was freedom? Perfectionism was restrictive?
Could this really be? It was!
Over the past two years I’ve worked to limit my perfectionism in other areas.
The freedom I’ve experienced has been such a blessing. The fact is that perfectionism was hurting ME more than it was hurting anyone else. If I was honest, no one else has even noticed the difference. But, it has made a HUGE difference for me.
Perfectionism felt like control, but it was fear of being out of control.
Now….with “B-” work as my motto, I am free. I am actually IN control.
And I no longer listen to perfectionism’s lie.
If you are a perfect perfectionist, let’s chat!
Photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash
