Most parents attempt to motivate their children by controlling them.
They believe it’s in the child’s best interest.
But this is mistakenly incorrect.
We’ve been programmed to push our children toward a future we’ve imagined for them.
Their lives whittled down to simply following our pre-planned instructions.
By doing this, our children’s worth is often measured by cultural yardsticks.
The point of life has become achieving, succeeding, and working hard.
We believe this results in happiness for them and for us.
But something’s not quite right.
More children and teens are suffering from anxiety, depression, and stress than ever before. Teen suicide is off the charts.
Our children need something different. Different than what we’ve been taught.
Our children need us to teach them to captain their own ship.
To become the author of their own life.
To do this we have to shift away from controlling our children.
And shift toward encouraging our children to do what they wish to do in life.
This requires us to give up control and giving up our control is VERY difficult.
We need to be present with our children.
To embrace their essence. To affirm their intrinsic goodness.
To see them as an individual that is unique. To assure them that who they are is valid.
Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., explains in The Awakened Family, what our children need to know to thrive:
“When children feel seen, believe they are worthy, and discern that they matter for who they are as a person and not just because of what they accomplish, they are able to enjoy their own sense of empowerment. This then translates into genuine enthusiasm for whatever holds their attention and focus. In other words, their natural love of themselves manifests in a love of life.”
When the way we listen to, look at, and speak to our children reflects how much we love them and how lovable they are, their worth will flourish and carry them through life.
This is what it means to parent, my friends.
Photo by MI PHAM on Unsplash
